I wanted to be a mom for SO LONG…

I married ‘late’–at the age of 30. We wanted to have kids fairly soon. God had other ideas… lots of miscarriages made that pretty clear. The miscarriages were always very, very early so no one ever knew except me &, sometimes, hubby. I told my mom a few times & she didn’t care except to say she had a couple too. (her version of, “Yeah, so?”) After telling a couple people at church, I learned that few people seemed to care. What REALLY bothered me was when other women had miscarriages & people would just gush over them… And, a few months later they would announce a pregnancy & produce a cute little baby. That never happened to me. It made me really resent my friends when they became pregnant.

Yes, that’s mean of me. I can’t help it. It’s how I felt. 

After about 10 miscarriages, I stopped counting. No one else cared, why should I?

I am not QUITE so upset when women announce pregnancies these days–a combination of being ‘too old’ at this point and also having my 2 Russian beauties! My kids occupy most of my thoughts & time. When I knit, I pray for them, hubby and others. I research ways to help my kids. I look for things that might be good toys but also good therapy for them.

When you wait so long, pray for guidance and get a VERY CLEAR answer about the ‘tougher’ of the 2 children, you tend to narrow your focus in life–a LOT. Trying to help these 2 kiddos have a good life is very high on my ‘to do’ list. There are so many days I wish I could just change things and make them into ‘regular’ kids. 

My kids will never be ‘regular’ kids–they were chosen for us by God. They are special, they are perfect for us. They have helped us grow in ways we didn’t know we needed to grow. While I wish I could have had kids in my 20’s, the 2 I was given in my 40’s are the most wonderful gifts ever.


One thought on “I wanted to be a mom for SO LONG…

  1. Awwwwwwww…..such an unfair reaction to miscarriages. Something else that makes you say what is wrong with people? I care! I only had 1 and that was after I’d had 3 kids, but it was a big deal. Mine was very early, too. God knew there were 2 kids waiting for you and he pointed you in the right direction. The others are waiting for you! That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it?!


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